I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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