Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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