nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
