I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
