I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
