I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
