You were right. It hurts to walk today.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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