so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
