It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
