I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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