I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
