just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
