You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
