Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
