I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
