You work out of a Hotel?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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