ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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