I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
