i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
