these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
