My room smells like vodka and shame
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
