I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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