I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
