Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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