My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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