so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
