he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
