I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
