I can text with my tongue
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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