he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
