Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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