i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
