MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
