how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
