she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
