I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
