my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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