low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
