I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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