Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
