I met the friendliest cop last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
