Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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