its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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