to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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