I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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