i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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