Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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