I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
