You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
