this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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