i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
