Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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