Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
