i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
