My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sober January is a disaster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
