is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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